Slow and steady

Some days I'm happy to see small changes on the scale. But there are other days when the fire of impatience rages through me. I want to skip ahead six months, a year, two years, more. Those are the days when I dig deep to find patience. I'm now down to 336 lbs. I'm definitely smaller. Despite my baggy clothes, people are starting to notice. The hope that lives inside me grows stronger every day.

Breaking Through

My favorite part of losing weight is breaking through the tens. You know that feeling when you slide past another zero? I dropped into the 30s today. I was so shocked! Down to 338 means I've now lost 45 pounds. I'm trying to think of a suitable reward for when I get to the 50 lb mark.

I have to eat HOW MUCH ??

 It never fails to amaze me how much I need to eat in order to lose. It seems so counterintuitive, but it works. At my size, I need to eat about 1700 to 2000 calories a day depending on my activity level. Eating that much is easy when you live on Costco pizza, frozen pizza, buffalo tenders, and Doritos. Eating that much becomes overwhelming when your meals consist of vegetables, lean protein, and low sugar complex carbs. Then, try balancing fat, carbs and protein. Eating healthy can be as time-consuming as any hobby. 

I'm remembering all the little things from my last weight loss adventure. The way my skin and the fat under it gets all shrivelly and shrinkedy right before I have a "fat flush" ... The way I'll drink extra water when I'm having a mini plateau, and then have a fat flush the next day... The first time I had the fat flush during this trip, I actually yelled. "OMG! I remember this! It's the flush!" Ha. It's the little things that keep me motivated.

Speaking of motivation, mine is multi-faceted this time. I have some health issues, some lifestyle issues, and some career issues. I do not want diabetes, and I still have a chance to avoid it. I'm not anxious to have a stroke either. Losing weight also helps with the arthritic joints and the physical fibromyalgia symptoms. As for lifestyle, I'm lonely. I want more friends and I want a partner. Yeah, I get that fat people can have these things. But the kind of people I like the best are ones who are physically active and involved in a lot of different things. That leaves my career. I spent many years in public safety. Now I work in a white-collar, public service job. I get bored. I'm good at what I do, but I miss being in charge, handling logistics, having people jump to follow my orders! If I'm to ever return to public safety, I need to be physically fit. Even if I stay in my current career, I know that it's a lot easier for "normal-sized" people to get promoted. The location I want to transfer to has a lot of very stylishly and professionally dressed people. If I want to get transferred there, I need to be able to wear nice business clothes. I can't do that now... I'm still buying big men's shirts that droop and cover my floppy stomach and front butt fat. I want to be able to wear skirts, dresses, suits, etc.

Now, back to that partner issue... I'll be honest. I want a nice tight ass that looks hot in jeans. Do I know a guy that would appeal to? Yes. Yes, I do. Being a normal size and having a great butt would give me the confidence to make that move :-)

Determination

You know you're committed to the journey when you stick to healthy eating even when your life is in turmoil.