Friday, February 11, 2011
My life is a challenge. It has never been easy. I have always been fascinated by people who seem to "coast" through life. Although I am well aware that most people have hidden challenges that are not apparent to the rest of the world, I know that life is certainly easier for some people than for others. That said, I hate to whine. These past few months, I have had very few words to share that were either positive or new. Everything seemed negative or redundant, or both. So, instead of whining here, I just kept silent.
Inertia is a tremendously powerful force. It kept me going for months last summer, and then it kept me stationary for months this past winter. Whenever I have to face changes, or make decisions about my life, I tend to freeze up. The bigger the decision, the faster I shut down. Crazy. The great irony is that when I worked as a paramedic I made life and death decisions on the spur of the moment. I very rarely hesitated. Go figure. I suppose it's easier to decide the fates of others than our own. When my going gets tough, I pull the blankets up over my head and hide. This is NOT productive behavior!
Food is another powerful force. Its ability to soothe and comfort is legendary. I am very, very good at deriving comfort from nasty processed foods. Salt- and sugar-laden foods kept me company through all of the fall and winter holidays! We were BFFs! My homies and I hung out in the hizzie and had wild times. With friends like that....
I am running with a better class of buds these days. The turning point came when Costco restocked my favorite tortillas. I'd been without them for a couple of months. When they suddenly reappeared in the store, I knew it was time to get back on track. That's when I started pushing the boulder back up the hill. Life isn't for sissies. Good thing I'm not one.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The past few months have been difficult, both mentally and physically. Thank you to those of you who have kept prodding me. I have held your words close to me, turning them over like worry stones and rubbing them smooth. Instead of weighing me down, they helped to anchor me and keep me grounded.
I have spent the last few months quite overwhelmed by life. The biggest problem I have, aside from my actual bigness, is that I am over-educated and underemployed. I work in the public sector, and my hours are dependent on property tax values. Unfortunately, I also live in an area with some of the highest unemployment and foreclosure rates in the country. Toss in the fact that I have always been an emotional eater. Add a pinch of chronic medical condition. Stir as vigorously as possible. What a wonderful recipe for ulcers, lethargy, and weight gain!
It has been a long winter of pushing my rock up the hill, but I have made significant progress. My refrigerator is, once again, full of spinach and low carb tortillas. My resume is up to date and ready for any opportunity. Best of all, my creativity is blooming. Life might not be great, but it is showing some promise.