Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A Fortnight

Ten days, a fortnight. That's how long I have been MIA from posting. I've been away from Highway 150 for longer than that, though. My life has gotten crazy-busy, and I have let other people and circumstances get between me and my goals. That needs to stop... for my own health and well-being. I am one of those people who feels compelled to take care of others. I'm sure it's part of what drove me into a career in health care. I know it's how I deal with friendships and relationships. The need to solve problems is an integral part of who I am. Even this blog... I started it to help myself, but quickly found myself helping and encouraging others. I love that! But sometimes it takes its toll on me. Sometimes I don't have enough energy to help even myself. And yet, even in those moments, I still help others.

So, dear friends, I have been attending to the various needs and problems of the people who actually lay eyes on me. The people around me have gotten rather demanding with their illnesses and melodramas and needs for assistance. Within the past few days, though, I have once again found my balance. I am happy to say that my health is once again my main priority. It HAS to be this way. I can't solve all the problems of everyone around me, but I can solve the problem of my continuing road to fitness. Sixty-something pounds gone is good, but getting down to 150 would be fantastic. That's where I am headed. 

~still slogging my way down Highway 150

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Tempus Fugit

Yes. Time flies when you're me. I wish my extra poundage would fly off as fast as the days on the calendar.  It's almost Thanksgiving!

We here in the US celebrate Thanksgiving at the end of November.  My Canadian friends celebrate it in October. I think they're on to something.  I think those of us who are blubberly challenged would appreciate a two month break between eat-fest holidays.  

I have never really enjoyed food-based holidays, but this year I am actually looking forward to Thanksgiving. I have planned a really fantastic Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends. We will have a few items with higher caloric densities and a few healthy dishes as well. The idea is to put calories where they will count the most... stuffing, gravy... and keep other dishes on the lean side. We all plan to laugh and celebrate and count our blessings. We also have scheduled a walk for earlier in the day. That ought to contribute to a bit of wiggle room in our stretchy pants.

I will be interested to see how I handle the Christmas season with all of its cookie-baking and celebrating. I do need to make cookies, but I need a strategy to keep from eating them. Perhaps I could make the dough at my house and then bake it at mom's house. I could hide cookies there until it's time to distribute them... 

Have fun this week! I hope SOMEONE is able to go on a nice vacation :-D

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I Have Been Here In Spirit

Even though I haven't been writing here as much as I would like, I have certainly been thinking about Highway 150. The fitness road that stretches before me is always in my mind. Sometimes I'm heading down the road and sometimes I'm backtracking. Sometimes I'm sitting in a figurative rest area and pretending I don't need to take this journey at all. But it's always there, in my mind, in some fashion.

Now for the rambles...

I've been doing some other writing these days... I blasted the heck out of my writer's block and have just finished an actual chapter. Yes, I am writing a book! Who knows what will become of it, but I've always wanted to write one.  It's a novel... mystery/thriller... I'll let you know how it progresses. I hope it goes as well as my weight loss. 

This past week was a wash as far as pounds off goes. I'm okay with that after the previous week's 7 pound loss. Holy moly. It was probably just water.. lol.

Speaking of water, I'm done with the pool for the winter. The air and the water are too cold. There might be random days when I go in, but I'm basically a wuss. I like to swim when it's at least 85F outside. If it isn't warm, my muscles seize up like a dead bug. Yeah, nice image.

We're having a great run of "million dollar weather" here. Sunny days and cool nights. As much as we whine about the heat in the summer, we run around and shout about how great the weather is this time of year. We're like little kids just released from school. I've been to the beach at least four times a week for the past month! I love it! Of course, if I go in the evening I wear lots of warm clothes... lol... temps down into the *gasp* 60s.

Not my boat, but I can dream!

Acquaintances have started to ask me if I've lost weight. I wish they wouldn't. It feels like an invasion of privacy. Sometimes I wish I could have just stopped smoking or done some other inconspicuous thing. When a person's fatness starts to be noticeably altered, it's quite visible. There's no where for an essentially private person to hide. I wonder if that's one of the reasons we all wear our too-large clothes far longer than we should.... On that note, however, I can say that I haven't worn my reallyfat pants in weeks and weeks.

My goal for today is to strive for tolerance and patience. Stress releases cortisol, and we fatties have too much of that already. Peacefulness of mind is probably just as beneficial as baby spinach.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

All Dressed Up

Sometimes, I get the sensation... oh man, I just conjured up a peppermint patty. Yikes. I digressed early today! What I was TRYING to say is that I sometimes get the feeling that I am a fraud. Perhaps not a fraud, but ... I am playing dress up.... that I'm really a fat fat person in a smaller fat person's body. Are you confused yet? Good, me too.

This morning I was trying to decide what to wear to work. I tried on a shirt that couldn't possibly fit. But it did. I took it off and stared at it. The shirt is one that I've had for years. I've had if for so long that I really don't remember when I bought it. It's one of the things I had packed away in a box just in case I ever made a serious commitment to losing weight. Well, it appears that I've gone and done it. I've actually gone so far as to lose a serious amount of weight. Some days that feels fantastic, and other days I feel like I'm dressed up for a masquerade party. As soon as I take off my smaller costume I will somehow go back to being the size I was six months ago. It's all very bizarre. In any event, I was so freaked out about the shirt that I hung it back up. For some reason, I was afraid to wear it.

I love writing this blog for many reasons... and one of the important ones is that writing about my experience helps me to clarify my thoughts. Case in point... I just realized why I feel like I'm dressing up as a smaller person and why I don't actually feel like a smaller person. I think it's because I have begun acting like a fat person again. Sigh. I know. 

My eating habits have been all over the map lately. Some days I eat like a rabbit and other days I eat like a starving badger. No, I don't know what badgers eat, but I will Google it in a few minutes. My point is that I haven't been paying much attention to the quality of the food I eat, and that needs to change. It does me little good to slowly shrink if I do it outside the realm of healthfulness. I might as well eat something like Nutr*system food. No, this trend toward "I can eat what I want and still lose weight" has to stop. Eating a healthy breakfast and then eating a *bleep* for lunch or a *bleep* for dinner is not the right thing to do! I know it, and yet... 

I really do need to get past the yet... It's doing nothing for my health! Highway 150 isn't just about losing weight, but it's about getting healthy. I need to do more of that.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Fogged In

I just realized that I haven't posted in three days. I blame the fibro fog... It has been pretty bad lately. My own name seems foreign to me. This foggy brain is frustrating, to say the least.  A flare up like this will  cause me to zombie my way through life for a few days until it lifts. Pain in the neck! This one seems to have settled in for a few days. Let me gather my wits and then I'll be back. Oh, and if you haven't noticed.... that dang ticker SHOT down this past week. Shazam.

My intention is not to make anyone jealous with my beach photos! I just love to share the marvelous beauty that surrounds me. I definitely know what you northerners are looking forward to this winter. This is what I used to see during the winter. I gave it up a few years ago in favor of the palm trees and eternal sunshine. Sometimes I do miss the cold crunchy snow under my feet.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Scale Might Be My New BFF

Now that I have resumed my journey down Highway 150, I am starting to feel much better about myself. October was a rough month for me for some reason, and I'm glad it is November! I've already started to think about the things I am thankful for... including my scale. Yes, my scale and I are BFFs again. I no longer call it the digital platform from hell, and it no longer cackles in glee when I step on it. Maybe BFFs wasn't the right term. It's more like a situation of mutually assured destruction. Don't I have mixed feelings about the scale?!

As for daylight savings time, I have to admit that I love the morning sunshine. I'm not so fond of getting out of work in the dark, but beggars can't be choosers. At least now I can walk before work. I feel so smug when I walk around at work knowing that I have already done my mandatory exercise for the day.

It's cold here today. Ironically, it's colder here than in Nova Scotia. What's up with that? I may have to wear fleece to the beach today, but that's okay. Nothing can keep me away from the beach! Fresh air. That's my excuse. I'm going for the fresh air.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Another Zero

I saw another zero this morning! Although I am sure the scale will bounce again, it's nice to see a decent drop once in a while.

I'm happy to announce that the Halloween candy is gone at work. My coworkers so thoughtfully ate all but a few random pieces.

The weather here is suddenly quite chilly. Yesterday, I put on a pair of pants that I haven't worn since last winter. I'm not exactly sure why I thought they would fit. When they bagged out in front and in back, I realized I was never going to wear them again. That is quite a nice feeling, but I'm still a bit dismayed that my wardrobe is dwindling. Yeah, I know... I will tough it out :-D

The weather is simply outstanding for walking. This is such a pretty place when we're having our "million dollar" weather! The cool fall/winter air invigorates and inspires me.  The chilly wind, with its clean fresh salty smell, is my favorite part of winter. Putting on a jacket is such a treat... lol... It has been almost eight months since I last wore a coat! I'm sure it won't be long before I start whining about the cold, but until then... I shall enjoy every minute of it!

Friday, November 5, 2010

When Old is New Again

Sometimes the best surprise is when something old becomes new again. The case in point---my blue jeans. I haven't worn a pair of jeans in years. Five years? At least that long. Yesterday, when the weather finally turned cool for the rest of the winter, I put on a pair of jeans from my "skinnier clothes" box. I was so excited I even wore them to work! Being able to wear casual clothes is a definite perk at my job. One of my friends looked at me and then asked if she had ever seen me wear jeans. She never had; yesterday was the first time. One of my co-workers even pulled me into her office and asked if I had lost weight. She had noticed, but had been hesitant to say anything. All in all I would say that yesterday was a day of win.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Eye on the Ball

Instead of keeping my eye on the ball today, I went and ate an eyeball. Will it never stop? Other than the eyeball, though, I haven't done too badly. There were a few tense moments when I tried to talk myself into getting pizza for dinner. I didn't. I haven't. I won't.

Pouring rain here is going to give way to some fabulous fall/winter weather. I'm very excited. I plan to walk and bike and generally cavort about town. Perhaps I will frolic!!

Short and sweet tonight... just like me.  Hah. Hardly. Have a good day everyone, and I'll write more later!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Leafy Greens Trigger Euphoria

I have found that it is much easier to feel self-righteous when one eats baby spinach for breakfast. I highly recommend it to everyone. 

My day is off to a good start thanks to two cups of baby spinach in my breakfast tortilla. It might sound redundant to report on my breakfast again, but it's all part of my survival mode. I'm inching forward these days... baby steps all the way. If I simply keep up the forward momentum, I'm hoping that I will be picked up by a tidal surge of fitness energy and sail ahead once again.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Halloween and Bathing Costumes

I am sitting here staring at four chocolate eyeballs. They are from the break room, and I brought them back to my desk. For some reason, I felt the need to test myself. The chocolate eyes are watching me, but I refuse to be the first one to blink. Halloween is indeed a strange time of year!

I spent Halloween lounging at the beach, watching pelicans and terns and frigate birds wheel and dive and bob on the water. Sometimes I find it ironic that the beach, land of lovely bodies and barely-there bathing suits, is one of my favorite places to relax. 

Sitting at the beach I see a wide variety of body shapes and sizes as well as varying degrees of self confidence and body self-image. I have seen thin, athletic people in very modest cover-ups and rather large people in two piece suits. Like most people, I used to have typical reactions to what many would consider "inappropriate attire." Society has taught us to denigrate people who are rolling and tumbling out of their too-small bathing suits. My question is, "Why?" Why are we so uncomfortable viewing these people when they are obviously comfortable with what they are wearing? Naturally, I pondered this question whilst sitting under my umbrella.

When I go to the beach, or swim in a pool, I wear a bathing suit covered by a t-shirt and a pair of swim shorts. I am uncomfortable in my fat, and I do not want others to see any more than necessary. This is my choice. A few weeks ago I saw a woman almost my size. She wore a one piece suit and walked confidently about the beach. When I saw her, my first instinct was to cringe, but that rapidly morphed into a feeling of pride. I actually felt proud of this woman I had never met, and would never meet. That she felt comfortable enough to wear what made her happy made me feel fantastic. I can only hope to find that sort of self-confidence.

We should strive to support people of all shapes and sizes. Each of us has the right to wear what makes us happy and confident and comfortable. If we aren't sized perfectly, so be it. Instead of demanding that people conform to what we believe is "appropriate," I think we should alter our perception of others. This world would be greatly improved by a decrease in snarky mockery and and an increase in tolerance.

I may never feel comfortable in a bathing suit, but that is my right. No one else, though, has the right to tell me what to wear or how much I should hide. Hopefully, one day soon, I will find a degree of confidence and acceptance in how I look and how I perceive myself. Until then, I can still be supportive of others and their right to choose what they wear. And if I can use my own discomfort to motivate myself toward finding my health and fitness, I consider that a bonus.