Friday, February 11, 2011

Life Is Not For Sissies

My life is a challenge. It has never been easy. I have always been fascinated by people who seem to "coast" through life. Although I am well aware that most people have hidden challenges that are not apparent to the rest of the world, I know that life is certainly easier for some people than for others. That said, I hate to whine. These past few months, I have had very few words to share that were either positive or new. Everything seemed negative or redundant, or both. So, instead of whining here, I just kept silent.

Inertia is a tremendously powerful force. It kept me going for months last summer, and then it kept me stationary for months this past winter. Whenever I have to face changes, or make decisions about my life, I tend to freeze up. The bigger the decision, the faster I shut down. Crazy. The great irony is that when I worked as a paramedic I made life and death decisions on the spur of the moment. I very rarely hesitated. Go figure. I suppose it's easier to decide the fates of others than our own. When my going gets tough, I pull the blankets up over my head and hide. This is NOT productive behavior!

Food is another powerful force. Its ability to soothe and comfort is legendary. I am very, very good at deriving comfort from nasty processed foods. Salt- and sugar-laden foods kept me company through all of the fall and winter holidays! We were BFFs! My homies and I hung out in the hizzie and had wild times. With friends like that....

I am running with a better class of buds these days. The turning point came when Costco restocked my favorite tortillas. I'd been without them for a couple of months. When they suddenly reappeared in the store, I knew it was time to get back on track. That's when I started pushing the boulder back up the hill. Life isn't for sissies. Good thing I'm not one.


  1. Well, it's been 2 weeks plus pushing that boulder back up the hill (a bad metaphor since Sisyphus was doomed to not make it to the top ever), please update and tell us how it's going.

    No one has a perfect window into another's ordeals. If I could have had another's life, I would have switched starting age 9 That was when I first seriously contemplated suicide and my depressions really got going. I wanted something better when I had to quit working at age 30 cause my immune system decided to go haywire. I got 1.5 years use out of my hard won degree . I wanted to have an easier life many times, and then I became focused on gratitude for teh great things I have. We all have positives and negatives, some more on one side, yes, and others more on the other (like the poor child who was murdered this month by her foster father, molested by her own dad, her adoptive dad, starved, beaten, bound, then murdered before she had a chance to live--never loved, never protected in her own dwellings. ) Stuff like that puts things in perspective. I'm not a sex slave in Asia. I'm not a victimized burka-wearer under the Taliban. I'm not starving in the Sudan. I'm not lying raped and murdered in some alley. I've got a roof over my head. I have loving memories of family. I've got a kind husband. Positives. Focus on what you got Focus on your dreams--what you CAN have.

    What you ahve, what you can have, what you can win on your own...make your positives happen. Like with food. Health. Outlook. :)

    And find a more chipper, more hopeful, better for success type of metaphor. It helps. The writer in me says so....:)

    Be happier...

  2. Been more than a month. Why not update?