Saturday, November 13, 2010

All Dressed Up

Sometimes, I get the sensation... oh man, I just conjured up a peppermint patty. Yikes. I digressed early today! What I was TRYING to say is that I sometimes get the feeling that I am a fraud. Perhaps not a fraud, but ... I am playing dress up.... that I'm really a fat fat person in a smaller fat person's body. Are you confused yet? Good, me too.

This morning I was trying to decide what to wear to work. I tried on a shirt that couldn't possibly fit. But it did. I took it off and stared at it. The shirt is one that I've had for years. I've had if for so long that I really don't remember when I bought it. It's one of the things I had packed away in a box just in case I ever made a serious commitment to losing weight. Well, it appears that I've gone and done it. I've actually gone so far as to lose a serious amount of weight. Some days that feels fantastic, and other days I feel like I'm dressed up for a masquerade party. As soon as I take off my smaller costume I will somehow go back to being the size I was six months ago. It's all very bizarre. In any event, I was so freaked out about the shirt that I hung it back up. For some reason, I was afraid to wear it.

I love writing this blog for many reasons... and one of the important ones is that writing about my experience helps me to clarify my thoughts. Case in point... I just realized why I feel like I'm dressing up as a smaller person and why I don't actually feel like a smaller person. I think it's because I have begun acting like a fat person again. Sigh. I know. 

My eating habits have been all over the map lately. Some days I eat like a rabbit and other days I eat like a starving badger. No, I don't know what badgers eat, but I will Google it in a few minutes. My point is that I haven't been paying much attention to the quality of the food I eat, and that needs to change. It does me little good to slowly shrink if I do it outside the realm of healthfulness. I might as well eat something like Nutr*system food. No, this trend toward "I can eat what I want and still lose weight" has to stop. Eating a healthy breakfast and then eating a *bleep* for lunch or a *bleep* for dinner is not the right thing to do! I know it, and yet... 

I really do need to get past the yet... It's doing nothing for my health! Highway 150 isn't just about losing weight, but it's about getting healthy. I need to do more of that.

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