*Cough*

*tap*tap*tap*

"Is this thing on? Can you hear me?"

No, it's not a voice from beyond. I really am alive and well. Not so well, really, but alive. One of you is still poking me in my fat white behind, and for that I am grateful. (Thank you, Princess Dieter)  Sometimes the thinnest of threads makes the strongest life line.  Every message you sent to me gave me a little more strength. Added up, they brought me almost to the brink of life. The final push? Don't laugh, but it was a commercial on TV.  Not a diet aid, or a diet plan, or a healthy way of life commercial.  It was a Citibank commercial, for Pete's sake.  I hate Citibank.  But L.P. singing Into the Wild-- "...come save us a runaway train..."  You have to love the irony.

Of course, that's what I've been all this time... a runaway train.  I've written nothing and eaten everything. My A1C is probably up into the diabetic range by now.  I haven't really given a crap about much of anything for a long time.  I am still underemployed, despite immense effort on my part to break into a full time position in my desired profession.  There are also some family issues that wear on me constantly.  Add in the fibromyalgia, and all I want to do is eat to relieve my stress.  In my hedonistic way, that's what I've been doing for more months than I can count. Nom nom nom.  Hell, it works.  Eating sends my endorphin level through the proverbial roof faster than anything else.  I'm addicted to the fatty sugary salty high.  

But, well, I'm too young to give up on life.  I thought I was, but lately I've started to regain some interest in the future.  And that's why I'm here.  Funny thing is, my reawakening has nothing to do with New Year's resolutions.  I think it has more to do with the fact that I'm surrounded by annoying quarter- and half-year residents and they drive me insane. Florida is NOT a fun place when hordes of elderly mid-westerners descend in flocks and droves.  If I were smaller and healthier, I could run faster to escape.... Hey, don't judge... I'll take my motivation wherever I can find it.