Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Bat Wings

I wish my arms would shrink at the same rate my rear end is shrinking.  I have really fat arms.  We're talking pterodactyl-sized bat wings.  Seriously, I could knock someone unconscious with a simple wave.  I feel like I should have liability insurance for my arms.  I could be in a commercial for some creepy lawyer referral service.  "Have you or someone you love been injured by a mega bat wing?  Call today!"

Really, what is this arm business all about?  I am terrified that I will lose all the extra weight and become perfectly normal-sized except for the floppy hams hanging off my upper arms.  I was examining the skin on my arms yesterday.  It's all soft and crepe-y like the skin on elderly people.  My grandmother had skin like that.  When did I get old enough to have arm flap skin like my grandmother??

Now I'm convinced that I will need one of those sculpting surgeries to remove my wings.  I do not want to have arm seams!  How will I pay for them?  So many things to worry about.  I hate scars in sensitive areas.  They itch and tingle and take forever to toughen up.  But, I'm tough.  I can handle just about anything . What if I end up looking like a football?  Stitched-up pigskin... now that hits a bit too close to home.  Maybe I could get a nice set of tattoos along the seams that say, "In case of emergency, pull tab."  Of course, I would need nice little zipper pulls inked on there too.

Now, some of you might be thinking that I am awfully optimistic about all the changes I see happening in the future.  My problem is that, in my mind's eye, I am already at the end of my weight loss journey.  I have visualized my success so well that I sometimes forget that I have just barely started down the road.  I just hopped onto Highway 150 a month and a half ago, but mentally I am already kicking back at the end of the trip.  I can picture the scene in my mind.  There I am, sitting in an Adirondack chair, out at the end of a dock, cool beverage in hand.  I'll be the one in the tank top, waving my arms with wild abandon.


  1. I fretted about this A LOT at over 250lb. I now LOVE LOVE LOVE my arms. (175lb and a whole load of resistance work later........)

  2. Really?? I sure hope that works for me! Congratulations to you.