Impatience

There is a great impatience inside of me.  It pushes at my skin as it tries to break free.  I want to hit my milestones much faster than is humanly possible, but that does not mean I will not try.  There are things I want to do!

When I first began losing weigh and getting fit, my goals centered around clothes.  I imagined walking into stores and trying on outfits, finally able to choose items that flattered me the most instead of simply choosing clothing that fit.  I have always looked forward to having that choice.

Today, I read a forum post made by a woman who is now a fraction of the size she used to be.  Although she is now able to fit into much smaller clothes, she is still unhappy with her size.  She still feels large.  I fully empathize with her sense of discouragement.  I will feel the same way for a very long time.  After reading her comment, I realized that my excitement about new clothes had abated somewhat.  Because it will be such a long time before I look the way I want, am the size I want to be, I decided that I must develop some newer, better goals.  I need interim goals.

My first goal, as a reward for losing thirty pounds, will be to join the gym.  Many people view going to the gym as a painful necessity instead of a reward.  Not me.  Nope.  The gym is closer to my home than "my" pool, and the gym has air conditioning.  It's summer in the south.  Need I say more on that subject?  Yes, I do.  Exercising outside when the humidity is 60 to 95+% for more than five months is something akin to self torture.  

My second goal will be to add activities back into my life as they become possible.  I want to ride my bicycle.  I want to go canoeing and kayaking.  I want to be able to hike for hours.  I want to try riding a jet ski.  I want to try windsurfing and kite boarding.  The list of things I want to be able to do is virtually endless.  I will participate in each of these activities as soon as I can.  Each one will be a gift I give myself.

I have ambitions, and I have dreams.  Now, I have real goals that mean more to me than outfits ever could.  Instead of allowing my goals to center on my wardrobe, I will allow my goals to reflect my capabilities.  I am not what I look like, I am not a size or a set of measurements.  I am what I do.  I will do it all.