Tuesday, August 24, 2010

the Future Former Fatties Federation

Welcome to the first newsletter of the Future Former Fatties Federation! 

Together we shall fight the battle of the bulge! 
We shall join hands and clobber the evil enemy known as blubber!
We shall sit on anyone who tries to sabotage our progress!


First order of business is an announcement:

Attention everyone! I am so totally, completely, undeniably LAME. I signed up for a weight loss challenge on someone's blog, and I cannot for the life of me remember whose it was. Sigh. I have been scanning posts for a hour now and still can not find it. I don't know what to blame this on... too much sodium? not eating enough? fibro fog? If anyone knows, (about the challenge not about what has messed up my memory), please tell me! I have been doing really well on the scale lately and want to show off :-D


Next order of business is another announcement:

Attention all grocery shoppers! There is nothing you can buy in the sauce and salad dressing aisle that is someone hasn't packed full of sodium. I am on a witch hunt (pardon the expression) for sodium. I am ruthlessly attempting to exorcise sodium from my diet. Due to the lack of understanding of nearly EVERY food manufacturer, I have been forced to collect and develop recipes for everything from bleu cheese dressing to hot sauce. I may have to publish this collection at some point. I will give each of you a free copy.

Final order of business is, you guessed it, another announcement:
Attention all people who have watched the scale stop, then suddenly speed up again! I learned about something this week that has revolutionized the way I think about weight loss. If you have ever heard of the "female fat whoosh" phenomenon, feel free to skip ahead. For the rest of you... wait until you hear this. There is some theory, albeit untested, that when women lose weight the fat cells give up water as they shrink in size. This water gets displaced in the body until it is suddenly released. That's right, folks, while that scale is sitting steady the fat cells are shrinking and letting off water. After a few days of waiting, the body then "releases" the water (also referred to as "peeing like a race horse.)  Some people have reported feeling that their fat is, and I quote, "more jiggly" right before a release. Apparently, that is caused by the shrunken fat cells jostling around next to each other as they settle.
I am completely fascinated with this theory. The miraculous shedding of pounds after a short plateau is a great explanation for my own weight loss cycles. I do not know if it is fact or myth or woo woo magic. (Please see the General Disclaimer to the right.) What I do know is that I shall no longer panic when I see the scale level off for a few days or longer. Knowing that I can look forward to a sudden "whoosh" is enough to keep me going. 

This concludes the first newsletter of the FFFF. Now, we shall all go forth and make progress in our health and weight loss goals. Each one of us has the power to change our lives and to reclaim our health.
Never give up.


  1. Still reading you every morning, as well as watching your ticker. Cheering you along the way. I will let out a very loud cheer when you break below the 300 mile marker, which looks like it will happen very soon. Bravo!!!

  2. Hey, I posted a comment here last night but it appears to be MIA. Anyway, just wanted to let you know I'm reading and enjoyed this post.

  3. Hello There,

    My name is Lindsay Spaulding and I'm a Casting Director here in Los Angeles. I stumbled upon your blog and I wanted to chat with you about a show I'm casting. Here are the details:

    NOW CASTING: FIERCE, FABULOUS WOMEN across AMERICA that are between the ages of 21-35 WHO HAVE 50-85 POUNDS TO LOSE.

    Do you wish you could lose 50-85 pounds overnight?
    Do you want to show off your new body?
    Were you bullied in high school and want to be thin for your reunion?
    Are you tired of not being able to fit into your favorite designer's clothes?
    Were you rejected from a sorority because you didn't fit the image?
    Were you always last picked for sports in school?
    Did you miss out on a job opportunity because of your weight?
    Do you have sisters who have always been thinner than you?
    Were you rejected from the cheer-leading squad because you couldn't fit in the uniform?
    Are you tired of being the overweight girl in your group?

    Let US help YOU live the life you've been dreaming about! Just think...you could be in that teeny weeny bikini by the end of summer if you APPLY NOW!

    If you have the weight to lose then OUR TOP NOTCH TRAINERS AND NUTRITION STAFF WANT TO HELP YOU LOSE IT on this show for a Major Cable Network.

    Seeking big personalities with great stories.

    If you answered YES to any of the above questions and think this is a show for you, please send us an email with:
    Your name, your age, current photos (head shot and full body shot), current height/weight and a bit about you and your life. Tell us why you need our help and the first thing you'd do as a SKINNIER YOU!

    Please email me: lindsaycasting@gmail.com

    Thanks and have a great day!


    Lindsay Spaulding
    Casting Director
    e: lindsaycasting@gmail.com