Saturday, August 7, 2010
Ten Rules for Exercising in Outdoor Pools
1. If you swim in an outdoor pool, remember to check behind you periodically. Spiders can skitter across the surface of the water and skedaddle up your back to nest in your hair before you ever see them coming. Some of us are lucky enough to have a sixth sense about these things.
2. If you swim in the late evening in the summer, remember that frogs can jump a long, long way. They might mistake you for a lily pad. Shrieking can alarm the neighbors.
3. When rescuing tiny lizards from the pool, remember to gently place them in potted plants or other safe havens. If you put a baby lizard on the pool deck it may decide to seek shelter by running in through one of the holes in your Crocs. Do NOT leap into the air. Gently pulling your foot out of the Croc should reveal a baby lizard clinging to your big toe. Transfer said lizard to a plant this time.
4. If you decide to eat a bowl of cabbage, broccoli, and brown rice for lunch, make sure you wait an appropriate amount of time before beginning a pool workout. Having to jump out of the pool, run inside, and figure out how to navigate your way to the rest room without dripping on the hardwood floor is, to say the least, challenging.
5. Regarding Rule #4: pooping in the woods is not an option, even if it isn't your yard... especially if it isn't your yard. Don't do that, it's gross.
6. Do not leave your bathing suit hanging over the pool railing overnight. Frogs like to hide. Need I say more? Remember that neighbors do not appreciate shrieking at 7 am.
7. Never exercise nakies. You might have a private and secluded back yard, but people from the power company don't always call first. Also, there are satellites up there. No one at NASA wants to see nakie aqua Zumba. Really. They don't.
8. Make every effort to exercise when you have the pool to yourself. If done properly, water aerobics can generate small tsunamis. You don't want to have to stop in the middle of your routine to resuscitate a bystander who got swamped by a round-the-world, uptown-downtown spin and kick.
9. Unless you're exercising at a posh resort, asking the pool guy to bring you a Mai Tai isn't really proper etiquette. The same rule applies to asking the neighbors, the letter carrier, and the meter reader. Besides, do you know how many calories there are in a Mai Tai??
10. A vigorous water exercise session is NOT the time to try out your new tankini. When you jump up, tankini top goes down. When you land, tankini top gets shoved up to your armpits and you expose your yet-to-be-depleted, haven't-quite-gotten-the-washboard-abs, most-likely-white-whale belly to all who pass by. Remember Rule # 7.
The most important rule? Get out there and start to move!